musings and whatnots

I don't quite remember when or how it started. How change seems to fall into our laps ever so often now like  the crisp brown leaves of an old tree brushing against the wind. It was several years back when i used to run  around school in full uniform, with blisters on my knees and dirt on my cheeks; a few years ago when i had to wait anxiously at the hallway of the university for grades that did not mean as much as i thought they would. Then it was about 12 months past when i took the boards that entitled me to the word 'Engineer', which i have not--and in most probability--will never get use.

And here i am now, in an office desk among others, working in an industry i swore to myself countless of times that i'll never enter. Conversations with old friends revolve around the lines of the 'future' or how-things-have-changed or how people have. Somewhere in between I've resigned myself to the reality that contradictions are as familiar as any other circumstance i could stumble upon, that nostalgia gradually becomes a word used often at two in the morning as one gets older, and that working people are the hardest to get a hold of. and around those various realizations i have, by some means, forgotten what it was like to be amazed at how so many, many things are different now more than ever. That eager, restless emotion that i used to feel at the start of every school year has quickly turned into a quiet acceptance. The days and nights spent are segmented into trivial routines of this and that; into needs instead of wants or dreams.

It makes me wonder if anyone else feels the need to break free from this shell of conformity to the rules of society. to understand that money, or success do not mean much for a life unlived. and i am now resolved to find a balance in things. to recognize limits, and never cross unless there is a need to do so. to know the word 'enough' varies from people to people, but that it should be what it plainly is--sufficient, adequate, just right. Mostly, i just want to feel content with what i have at the end of the day. Honestly, simply, just content.