Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not, time takes it all away, time bares it away. And in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.

-Stephen King

it's not a bad day. not really. thanks to my best friend who gave me a monkey [tarsier jr.!] and the tindera who gave me the green balloon. i'm just so glad this day is over. and now i can move on with my life. yay me.

a note to ponder:

"learn to take what the world gives WITHOUT childish tantrums and hopeless romantic expectations."

...and i am learning to do just that.

xoxo

a year ago..

roses strewn carelessly on the ground. candles in birdcages that gave off a faint light that was enough for the encompassing darkness [hallelujah to that blessing in disguise]. balloons scotchtaped to the walls. a table in the middle, with two chairs. food that was enough for dinner and dessert. several candles on the floor. roses, roses, roses everywhere. the gazebo was metamorphosized into a place where girls like me only dream of. God. nazel, you should've taken a shot of that place. it was heaven. it was a masterpiece of all that is amorous and sappy. and i am so much proud of that work.

for a hater of my valentines i sure do make other people happy with theirs. haha.

urbandub is <3.

xoxo

i want it back. no, not any of the toys i've broken since Godknowswhen. not the naivety i had before when everything in the world were summed up to be lilies and daffodils. not the people i've lost, because they always leave and i can't do anything about that than watch them go. not that unbreakable smile that was plastered on my face before i knew what it was like to be so tired in lying about being hurt. not the people that left me before i knew they were there in front of me. not the wishes that escaped my lips just to remind me that there's a lot of things that i never had--that i still wish i had.

i want my sanity back. and i've come to think that it was never with me in the first place.

it sticks to you like vaseline. this icky feeling. or whatever you might call it. it's the month where cut-out hearts are plastered mercilessly on glass with bits of scotch tape on the sides like a warning sign to everyone. it's febuary. it's all red. all chocolatey. all flowery and sappy. it's the "love" month. and it makes me cringe.


it is hard to give love. it's not as simple as it is to give Php 500 worth of ferrero rocher neatly ribboned with a white card attached to it. not as scripted as it is to have an orchestra playing along the background as you eat your month's worth of allowance in one sitting with your date. not as easy as to utter "i love you" to someone and really mean it and don't. given that the world was gushing with all thou permeability of love, why are there still people like me poking verbally on the whole idea of valentine's day?


because sometimes it's just not love anymore. not the love we felt the first time we came to know it.