musings and whatnots

it just gets tiring to have to fake to be someone you're not. especially with the ones you shouldn't be pretending to in the first place.

"i expected more from you[than from your other siblings]."

fine, fine. i brought this upon myself. i know. but i don't even think that my parents would still let me stay in this house if they knew that i could be so "unbecoming". all my life, i've been trying to be what my siblings have not been just because my parents have been nagging it to me eversincebirth. and even though i have succeeded that feat, it doesn't come with a price. and now i realize that it's too late to show them that who they thought was their daughter, really isn't. would you blame me for this? i didn't ask for a mother who wouldn't tolerate losing in a conversation even though she's wrong and a father who's just so close-minded that i wouldn't be able to fit a penny for his ohsojudgemental thoughts. i can't even make my own stand just because they wouldn't let me. they would shun me off as if they knew better. but they don't. not in my case. at least other kids could tell their parents the truth. as for me, we're like strangers living under one roof.

if they knew me, they wouldn't even like me. nice, noh? i think they'd even deny that i was ever their daughter. HAHA. and i'm not even that cruel. i'm sorry for the rant, i'm just pms-ing and blowing off steam.