i hope in the end we can laugh and say it was worth it all.

..because, how can it not be?

i've made a lot of mistakes in the past. and instead of trying to fix things, i ended up not doing anything at all because i was fueled by pride, anger, fear, or hopelessness of circumstance. it was a bitter truth, one of which i had a hard time swallowing everysinglemoment i happen to come across it. but i do not want to make a wake out of my life 'cause of the things i lost when i could make amends--when things could be saved, and should be saved.

everything does change, some for better and others for worse. but we always have that choice, that point in time, when we could decide which one we really want to happen. and we make it happen.

a belated happy birthday to basco and an advanced happy birthday to jazzy.

"Let's face it ...we've changed. We've all changed. Somewhere between summer ending and school starting, We've all gone in our own directions. Hearts were broken, friendships diminished, new love started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time in our own circle of friends, We no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We've changed... some for the better, some for the worse. Some of us are finding love and others are trying to let go. Even though we've changed, we all know that even though we're all finding our own place in the world, that when we find love, when we let go of love, when the tears fall, or the happy smile spreads across our face,we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens, nothing will ever changed so much to the point that we're not all friends forever."

it's like my body has this self-scheduled time for sickness. you know, when every step you make, you're just waiting for your body to collapse and drop dead. i don't want to be stuck in between the covers of my bed the whole weekend trying to get myself to feel better when there's so much to do. ihavetostartthistermright. i.have.to.

assignments and lessons have been dishing out in my face for the past few days. and it's just funny cause i haven't done anything productive when i have this massive urge to grab the nearest book and study. but my body's got the better of me and i just end up dozing off cause of my sorta-sick-state. ugh. my sleeping patterns are a mess because of my new schedule but i think i'll adjust soon enough anyway.

i haven't made an ultimatum for myself, unlike my friends who have sworn an oath to stay out of thisandthat and to do thisandthat to compensate for certanties of last time. and i know that i want things to change too, for better or worse; rather than being stuck in quicksand waiting for my last breath to escape and for me to eat dust. things are easier said than done, though. so go me.

"they say that what doesn't kill you, only delays the inevitable."

will.edit.later.

oh wow.

two weeks, fourteen days, three hundred thirty six hours, twenty thousand one hundred sixty minutes, one million two hundred nine thousand six hundred seconds.. the longest time i never posted to date.

i don't know what to write here, because if i'd taken into account everything that has happened in these past few days, i'd prolly consume a whole page. the first term just ended abruptly. it's kind of weird and slow of me that i found myself realizing for the first time after a few hours that it happened certain moments that i've been waiting for to come months ago. that i just took the last finals, or that i remained a survivor without failures[thank God], or that another bloody term is approaching. goodbyes were unspoken, unlike high school when everyone knew it coming like the end of the world; and mourned for it with tears and promises and pictures of never forgetting, of always being there. it's kind of heartbreaking to see that every term ending means someone leaving or disappearing to godknowswhere. people always leave, right? but sometimes they come back. sometimes.

closing time, every new beginning comes from some of the beginning's end.

happy, happy birthday, dearest zel. you know that i'm always thankful that you were born on this very day.