"It's the loneliest feeling in the world

to find yourself standing up

when everyone else is sitting down.

To have everybody look at you and say,

"What's the matter with her?"

I know what it feels like.

Walking down an empty street,

listening to the sound of your own footsteps.

Shutters closed,

blinds drawn,

doors locked against you.

And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something,

or if you're just walking away."

Currently Listening To: Athelete - Street Map

"Every song has a CODA, a final movement. whether it fades or crashes away. every song ends. is that any reason not to enjoy the music? the truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. it's just life"--Ellie; OTH.

sometimes i tend to overlook the fact that things change. or they just disappear. it's hard to realize that your journey isn't the journey of somebody else; and that your dream is just yours, and only yours. and that you have to do everything on your own most of the time even when it's hard to do so. i forgot that the people we meet, and the people we happen to share this road will somehow leave or choose a different path one day. and even if we're afraid to be alone again, we have to be happy that they came, that they shared a part of their life with ours. we never should regret or forget for that matter. maybe years from now, the roads of those who left will cross with ours, and then we'll remember and laugh about it. maybe we'll take a different path from the first one we took--something we never thought of going to. maybe, by that time, someone's journey will be ours, and we'll share the same ending without having to be alone. we'll never know actually. the road just keeps on winding everywhere. i guess what i'm trying to say is, i just want to be happy now, no matter what the ending will be.

it's hard to know something, especially when you're scared of knowing what it is in the first place.

you don't know how much it would mean to me if you'd say that you remember.

Currently Listening To: Feeder - Feeling the Moment

i guess, i want to ask you this question too. i think, like me, you haven't got a clue.

i won't go anywhere[but i'll stop hoping. what i have is enough, somehow.], aslongas i know you're still there, beside me.

Currently Listening To: Mozella - Light Years Away
Currently Reading: University Physics

b l a n k. like a slate wrought of blood and dirt. i want a clear head, but that's next to impossible. there's just too many things going on all at once.

i'm not indestructible. i just prolly appear that way. eesh.

okay. must.STUDY.&&.get.a.grip. i have to compensate for my lack of hardwork for the last time[s] i took hiatus. i have this debate coming up. the issue's about treating women equally to men. and i am fatefully assigned against it. this's gonna be fun.

"we always hurt the ones we love."

i'm anxious. i'm not sad. i can't decipher what i feel, really. my friends were concerned cause i was quiet. they said it was unusual. that's funny cause i really consider myself the quiet type. *wide grin*

i feel sorry for my sister. her situation now reminds me of my bestfriend, zel. thing is, my sister told me that she dreamnt of my bestfriend just last night. coincidence?

today is another chance to make things right. but what is right?

it's not what i am, but who i am behind the facade. and i'm just like you, each and every one of you. and i guess, that means i lie too. and i fool myself and i try to hide. sometimes i just think, could we just f*ck off with all the pretense and be really honest for once?

-~-

so i guess that's why..

IT'S EASIER IN THE DARKNESS, RIGHT? and when the lights come out, we're back to putting our masks on. sad, really..

Currently Listening: Strays Don't Sleep - For Blue Skies

sometimes it's better to accept the fact that you're alone than thinking somebody's there when in fact, no one is. but sometimes, that's not true either.

i get tired easy now. i run out of breath just the same. and i think it's 'cause of the lack of exercise. i should get back to swimming. or the gym for that matter. i actually miss being tortured by my officers in highschool. in short, i need to break a leg. fast.