because i know that one of the things i'm good at doing is complaining.

an update of the first week of the first term of second year:

la salle's manual adjustment is suicide. i had eyebags the size of my fist. the weather wasn't really cooperating either. i circled la salle a couple of times and my happy feet clogs were killing my feet. my friends and i were too wasted to get into our morning classes and i had other things to bother. i finished adjustment and realized that my classes were hours apart [read: i have a six hour break every fridays. PFHT.]. thanks to my friends who have a great deal of hospitality! subjects. to put it simply, i wasn't spared with my professors. i have the second most notorious prof in physics two. her handwriting looks ancient--like, i need a computer to decipher it to comprehensible text. and just imagine, i sit in the front row [godhavemercy for those who sit in the back]. my calculus two class looks like a reincarnation of my english one class with almost the same classmates. almost. all the variables in my brain had gone to nevertoreturnland [for the record, i took calculus one two terms ago, so you get the idea.]. my speech class sucks. not because the professor is a sadist or anything [that remains to be seen], but because of the mere fact that for two straight meetings, heslashshe hasn't manifested near the classroom or anywhere else for that matter. i happen to like literature and speech a lot [even if i am no good], so there.

okay. i'll stop now.

i knew who i was this morning, but i've changed a couple of times since then.

-alice in wonderland

yes, things have definitely changed. i cannot make myself believe that i survived last year with all the drama i had to put up with. yes, i made myself vulnerable and foolish because of that. but the funny thing is, people learn because they get sick and tired with the same mistakes they usually do. i know i did. i guess this is the part where i realize that i am not being too reckless anymore. but we'll never know, right? life always finds a way to make you believe things you won't even think of believing.

i heard my mobile phone ring. and i opened my eyes with the sun streaking down on me. it was eight in the morning. i must've dreamnt something because this particular verse in a song kept playing inside my head like a broken piece of record label. the words were broken too, in a way that they were sharp enough to slice through me like a birthday cake. i couldn't remember where i heard it, or if i did, what it meant when i heard it back then. i went downstairs for breakfast. hotdog and eggs. just perfect with coffee and the warm weather. i couldn't shove the verse away still, but it didn't matter. the sun was up and the chimes were singing with the wind as its background. it was beautiful. tragically beautiful. i finished my meal fast, there was no one else eating anyway. i slowly made my way to the office with my coffee in hand, sat and turned on the pc. it just felt like i have to write something. anything i could digress about. it's been long since i felt like doing so. minutes passed and i blinked. something was different. my eyes traced our garden and the sky, it was getting dark and i felt coldness rush through me. i reached for my coffee and took a sip. cold, too.

how sad it is that a moment of bliss could slip you just like that. that in every perfect instance, something's bound to bring an end to it. and in the second that that instance is gone, it all just feels so wrong.

i took a deep breath, my sister switched on the lights. i smiled, stood up and walked to the kitchen where the microwave was.

elton: but never in your life, you never had a boyfriend?
me: no.
me: pseudo.
me: it really, really, sucks that way.
me: that your first everything got taken by someone who's like, anonymous.

yes. it is sad. and pathetic. and foolish. maybe i'll die before i get beyond the single status. haha! okay. okay. i'm typing crap. i just want to be a million miles away from here now. sigh. i need a real vacay.

i don't know when, or where, or how, but i'm very much sure i lost myself someplace.

mhm. /edit.

so long sweet summer. ♥

days ago, i used to imagine how'd it be like with summer class finally over. and now that i'm two days in official vacation, i still don't know what to really make of anything. maybe it's 'cause of the lack of sleep, or the alcohol, or realizations, or 'cause of the finals, or the outing, or maybe i'm just plain clueless. oh pfht. whatever.

my friends and i went to the batch outing last monday. we were very few. but i'm just as thankful it happened that way. it was crazy. it was what i didn't expect and did expect [miss contradiction, much?]. that's over now, but it was fun while it lasted.

i apologize for the incoherence. i guess this is what two weeks of non-stop physics and lab would do to somebody who never had to cram up chapters of math and science in a short span of time. i'll prolly update pretty soon.

life is under no obligation to give you what you expect.

wohoo. second exam finished. thankyoulord. i mean, i know i did better this time. that's enough consolation for me right now. tomorrow's the make up for the first exam i failed. i need--not want to take it. but i feel better. i want this feeling to last 'til the end of summer classes.

my head's been drifting a lot lately. you know, i sit for a while and realize that after twenty minutes that's still what i'm doing. absence seizure. as my sister puts it. she's practicing nursing terms on me. but anyway, it's not that big of a problem. i've been having that seizure since godknowswhen.

oh i miss my friends.♥

this blog has terribly been stagnant.

oh crap. pressure and stress are getting the better of me. did i mention i failed the first exam in phyeng? and my phylab exam got intertwined with my aftershock at that time too. ghreat really. like, hell. but i just laughed it off. i mean, what else could you do anyway? other than studying seriously and learning from past [and not to mention stupid] mistakes [like not underestimating or cursing the questionnaire ], NONE.

go me! go me! go me!

-~-

fact: baristas are downright flirty human beings.