12.30.2010


so before the year ends, here's a post (which as you would prolly notice, is kinda overdue and messy):

it feels like an ending. an ending the same as that of any year when nights stretch longer than the days and the cold becomes a familiar companion in the waking hours of morning and late afternoons. it's the same christmas tree and all its blinding lights. the same smell of peppermint and coffee coming together in a dance of sort; even the sight of gift wrappers bring nostalgia of years i can barely remember, and suddenly i find myself missing the shiny foil wrappers and the smell that wafts through the air when the presents are undone. yet amidst all the comfort of familiarity, i have never felt it so different--i've never felt so out of place.

and maybe it is supposed to be like this: life changing moments are there not because it's cruelly inevitable, but because life gives us another reason to change or become anew. the forks in the road are merely paths we haven't seen before but have always been there, and always will be, so long as we are breathing. then all the sweet detours, the last second u-turns, the unanticipated roadblocks, the needed pit stops, the humble yields, and everything in between the cracks and gutters of the road will make the destination for us. and it would all be worth it--more than worth it, in the end.


12.19.2010

if i let it sink, i will with all certainty, drown in it.

lord knows when or how i will be able to recover from that.