it gets tiring everysingleday. i need you to help me with this. please.

one tall double shot espresso caramel affogato.

i could stay there for hours, you know, with me glued to the couch. just not cramming up on iterated integration; or figuring out what happened to my physics exam this morning which i woke up at 1 for. i can't even imagine myself still sane a year from now, what with all the reputation of engineering courses being suicide and all. i don't want to be the cliche of a messed up teenager in pursuit of balance of a double life--the girl who lives up for the delusioned expectation of her parents, and the girl in search for her own identity. sometimes i just don't know what to do, or which to follow. what's sad is, i don't know how or what to believe, even when the truth is already right in front of my face.

and one thing, i cannot believe college is so much like high school just because. or is it that high school is really life as a whole per se? i don't know.

Currently Listening To: Staind - Everything Changes

being honest with myself is something quite impossible without the help of alcohol.

it's haunting me again.

there's no real reason for it to manifest, or for it to come back now. but this voice just keeps on echoing silently--at night, when i'm alone, when i just stare outside the window, when i trace ever streetlight as i go home, every space in between my thoughts--and it's not going away. i can't make it go away..