life always finds a way to surprise us. even at the moment we think that we know the course of our lives too well, we are almost always wrong about it.
someone asked me recently, about what chapter this is of the story of our lives. i remember answering that i did not know. that i never expected that the circumstances that have happened and are happening are like something that came out of a messed-up, tragic movie with the tissue boxes and popcorn on our sides. everything was sudden and unexpected and funny and sad. it was harder this way, not knowing where to go or if we should turn back and regard actions as mistakes--or the truth. or neither. nobody said it would be easy. but no one ever said it was gonna be this hard. i thought, by growing up i'd learn and be wiser and more mature. but it got me to realize that i felt more disciplined when i was young. maybe it was because i was so consumed by fear to do anything that would make me lose something. maybe it was naivety. but i am still scared now. and i still feel stupid oftentimes, even selfish to my own needs. and i don't think people can deny that they feel what i do everytime they make a decision that risks everything they hold dear. people can even be afraid of getting what they want, because it is at the same time, something they could lose. it's uncertainty. we all wish we could go back. but we just can't. we just can't.
dearest, i apologize that my selfishness got the better of me. you know who you are, and you know why[patas na tayo. haha. kidding.].
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