there is no consistency in death, no comparison; for the grief spent on a soul lost is never the same as the other.. and so it is with life, that its birth always brings in itself another form of joy--a new reason why the world should celebrate.

i want to start this year right.

and that, for one means, writingslashpostingonblogs often. i will try to make it as substantial (or interesting) as possible, for thoughts like anything else, should not be used in excess of what is otherwise needed or asked.

so here's an awesome concept for an exhibit or maybe a cafe: walls super-glued with tons of manuscripts!!


i do feel awfully sorry for the books, though; but it is better this than the dump (which these babies would probably be in, if not plastered in these walls).

* * *

i see black coats, hear the
noise of heels against the rough pavement
empty stares, empty conversations
of how doomed the world is,
or theirs for that matter.
i see glances of people
passing by.
none of them honest,
not even mine.

dated 12jan2010

so before the year ends, here's a post (which as you would prolly notice, is kinda overdue and messy):

it feels like an ending. an ending the same as that of any year when nights stretch longer than the days and the cold becomes a familiar companion in the waking hours of morning and late afternoons. it's the same christmas tree and all its blinding lights. the same smell of peppermint and coffee coming together in a dance of sort; even the sight of gift wrappers bring nostalgia of years i can barely remember, and suddenly i find myself missing the shiny foil wrappers and the smell that wafts through the air when the presents are undone. yet amidst all the comfort of familiarity, i have never felt it so different--i've never felt so out of place.

and maybe it is supposed to be like this: life changing moments are there not because it's cruelly inevitable, but because life gives us another reason to change or become anew. the forks in the road are merely paths we haven't seen before but have always been there, and always will be, so long as we are breathing. then all the sweet detours, the last second u-turns, the unanticipated roadblocks, the needed pit stops, the humble yields, and everything in between the cracks and gutters of the road will make the destination for us. and it would all be worth it--more than worth it, in the end.

if i let it sink, i will with all certainty, drown in it.

lord knows when or how i will be able to recover from that.

HOPE.