so it's been about weeks of staying up late at night to study for majors that get harder ever term. weeks of doing projects and papers that make me forget everything else. i take my anxiety at midnight, hold it up in a bottle and drink to forget even for a little while. my last finals for this term ended a few days ago and i can say that i did my best somehow--that i didn't resign to submission or failure though there were days when i wish i did. and there's no regretting it now. it's done and all i have to do is wait, though sometimes it's what's hard to do.

And there's a chill in the air that makes people long for the summer warmth. a stream of bright lights and nostalgic Christmas songs that echo their way through the night. and people smiling, excited for the holidays. and i wonder how many other people feel like this on the inside, as if the sadness of it all just gets worse.

and i wonder why--for someone like me who has been constantly afraid of it--the glow of the sun did not hurt my eyes as i welcomed the brilliance of the light to flood into the four corners of the room.

strange. but maybe, not at all.

i want a Four-Leaf Clover too.

she walks alone, clogs echoing through the night
the distant screeches of cars lulling her to dream
of a better life, AN EASIER ONE
only the faint yellow lightposts and empty store lights
that guide her through cracks and holes in the concrete
for countless nights it became
a familiar companion, a quiet witness
she walks slowly, hesitating
not sure where to go
no phone lines or street signs
or people telling her "this is where you need to be"
she walks alone, and the night covers this all

To Do List:
1. Rock Up the World Concert.
2. National Electronics and Media Convention.
3. Analcom, Advelin, Cocirfu & Elcitwo [and the three lab counterparts]. Three words: Supposedly Nerd Mode.
4. CPR on this one-month dead blog.
5. Other non-academics and non-work stuff that i have to fix. In short, the rest of my life.

Go me.