summer class is always a pain in the ass, no matter what subject you take it's all the same. Thank God it's over!

***

i'm a kid, but that's not all i am.

they say time weaves anyone into inevitable maturity. the way people went from Speed Racer to Prison Break, or Barbies to Gossip Girl. the way people refrain from saying unecessary things, or do unecessary stuff for fear of statements like, "man, you're too old to do that." or "how old are you anyway? that's kid stuff." and we let these things get to us, as if happiness depends on the sharp knife of words that people let go of carelessly.

then there are moments when we look up to the sky and say, "i miss being a kid." and i wonder what is it that robbed us of our luxury in being one, if there ever was such in the first place. was it the lost of innocence? or the bitterness of memories that we couldn't let go of? or is it the immature fear of looking uncool or stupid?

there are probably many conjured explanations or excuses out there, believable or otherwise as it may be. but i don't think it's wrong having a piece of youth in our hearts. and maybe that's what grown-ups lack or that's what most people lack--the sense of freedom and courage to say what's in their mind without any hint of hesitation in their voices, the carefree attutide to laugh out loud or just be like a plain old kid. i think there's real happiness there, and i wouldn't want any less of that.

ever get those hangovers from oneofthosedays days?

let me rephrase that: is there even supposed to be a hangover? nah, didn't think so.

i think i need chocolate. or Nerds. or whatever. maybe something else. maybe someone.<3

it's the first time it rained here for quite some time now. it never ceases to amaze me how much the weather reflects the feelings of one's heart, or many for that matter. like the wave of emotion it pulls from the cold depths of memories merging with the drops that fall down to the concrete earth, they become ripples that collapse and disappear into the darkness.

mother is in the hospital right now, it's nothing of grave but father's coldness tonight makes it hard not to feel the least bit uptight or miserable. the air is so thick here, and it's getting hard to breathe.

ps. desole.

I SEE IT AS ICE COLD TALL CARAMEL MACCHIATO, THEY SEE IT AS FOOD FOR A WEEK

disclaimer: no, i haven't had one of those drinks recently. i just can't think of any other good comparison that people could relate to.

my professor in RELSFOR [yeah, that subject] said that people wouldn't lay a finger in any issue unless they are directly affected by it.

and i think yeah, people sympathize and shake their heads in dismay and it ends with just that. no further action, just plain old sympathy.

"Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world as seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain."

i'm not being a superhero advocating sustainable projects for the poor and the needy. i've got to have bundles of cash to do that. well, 70% of the population might think i do but i can't feed them all, can i? so it starts with little things.

like giving extra coins to that old lady sitting on the street barely able to lift her hand. i don't believe in giving coins to kids who just ask for it though. call it self-righteousness but i don't want to breed kids who don't know what working hard for money really is.

or maybe you could even give food. leftovers, snacks or even a full meal it doesn't really matter cause for them, food is food. period. honestly, most of the time it's better than giving money.

overall, apathy and lack of awareness are the real issues. i mean, people are panicking from all over the world cause the effects of global warming are becoming evident by the second. haven't we had warnings from about three years back that this would happen? and what? people are so focused on juicy gossips about it girl for the month. pfht.

"Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."

so this is the usual after-finals-slash-term-entry.

i could finally feel the summer coming in now, with its waves of sunlight and light blue skies. i could smell it in the air, like the unbelievable dry heat of late mornings and early afternoon hours. i could taste it from the ice cold milk teas i buy every now and then, hear it from people talking about roadtrips and getaways to somewhere entirely new and refreshing. somewhere better than last year of big adventures or many years ago of first loves and heartbreaks.

and as i see it from their eyes sparkling with excitement of memories they'll never forget, i remember mine of three months back and i begin to smile. for it was then i realized that i have been given circumstances which made me believe in a profound thing called fate. there have been obstacles that i fought and conquered for there were people who reminded me to never give up. and though there were times of hurt and doubt, i feel the love emanating more than i could ever imagine. there was you, and friends and family and a higher being i could only assume to be God who were guiding me step by step. there were plenty of reasons for me to smile and not a single one for me to even feel despair. there was life in full abundance.

so this is actually a tribute to unbelievable happiness and future memories. this is me telling you that i'm thankful, grateful and blessed to have you--each and everyone of you--in my life.<3