if you're looking for reasons
not to love someone, you're
probably going to find them
but sometimes, we need to
give in & let our hearts get
what they deserve

the important thing is not to be bitter over lifes disappointments. learn to let go of the past & recognize that everyday wont be sunny. & when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember its only in the black of night that you see the stars. & those stars see you back home. so dont be afraid to make mistakes to stumble & fall, because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. maybe you'll get more then you could have ever imagined. who knows where life will take you. the road is long, & in the end, the journey is the destination


remember when getting high meant at
a playground && the worst thing you
could get from boys we're cooties
when mom was your hero and dad
was the boy you were gonna marry.
when your worst enemies we're your
siblings && race issues we're about
who ran the fastest, when war was
a card game and life was simple &&
care free remember when all you
wanted to do was just grow up & now
that we are grown up the thing we
miss the most was being little kids

i know, i know. i'm a sucker for quotes. <3

i just had a girl to girl talk after the longest time.

and i just noticed how dull and crappy my life had been. that i am so different from this girl who appears to have everything [but i know that there's no such thing]. i do not have a healthy relationship with my parents. and i have not been keeping up with my friends from highschool. pardon me, but anyone would find it hard given that you have at least 30++ people for a barkada. and that's just one group of people i hang out with--i have three, for chrissakes. my heart's sinking with every thought of how far away everyone is now. i guess i just didn't want to see it all that way.

oh sigh. you really can't have it all, anyway.

idonotwanttothink.

but that's impossible, right?

i feel rather poetic today.

the sky swirls in a color of gray and blue. clouds graze through with a hint of storm. oh such a cold picture in such a sad atmosphere. the paved sidewalks with the illuminating yellow warmth of the lightposts make the drops visible in the midevening glow. i see some of the people with umbrellas, while others were bare and drenched and cursing. i hear the wheels of the car against the water, horns overpowering the trickle of the rain. i see the stoplights change, from green to orange to red. cold. melancholic. nostalgic. a stream of thoughts rush through me as i took a sip from my already cold afternoon coffee. i feel sick, i say to myself. no, no dearest. you are sick. and it's not because of my damned weak resistance to cough and colds. no, i'd rather have that, really [and i do]. i just feel sick on the gut inside, like, my organs were messed and twisted up as if a kid from cab scout practiced knot tying on me. it was choking me. [and tearing up my heart]. jaded and stubborn, i shove this thought away. God, if i had a delete button somewhere in my head, it would've been overused by now. sighing, i reached for my thick physics book and started reading.

this is just another relapse.

i always thought that i knew better. then again.. whatever.

oh. fever and cough and colds and pms. god. you'd think i'd die. actually, these past few days, i think i did. i hated having rested two whole college days. more so having the thoughts inside my head consume me alive everytime i wake up from slumber. i feel like crap. i don't even want to think. i can't stand staying up late now because i'm still too weak to do so. i hate this. argh.

this. calls. for. coffee.

-~-

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?